What to Do With the Ashes - Funeral Consumers Alliance of San Mateo and Santa Clara Counties

Funeral Consumers Alliance of San Mateo and Santa Clara Counties

(formerly Funeral and Memorial Planning Society)

Last revised
January 8, 2008

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What to Do With the Ashes

The cremated remains, sometimes called cremains, are given to the family in a hard plastic container, similar in size to a five pound bag of sugar, but maybe a little heavier. The bone fragments have been pulverized and are light gray to white in color. Usually for a little extra fee, the crematory can split the ashes if several children would like cremains for memory purposes, or half the ashes can be buried in California and the other half “back home.”

STORAGE AT HOME

If desired, the cremains can be stored just as received at a home. Or you could spend $60 to thousands of dollars for a fancier urn made a metal, wood, china, or other materials. We heard of one person who had the ashes put into her mother’s favorite cookie jar. A family member who does woodworking could make an attractive box for the ashes. If the cremains will be visible, perhaps combining the ashes with seashells would be a nice touch. What you should consider is potential leakage or breakability of the container, however. We are in earthquake country, after all.

GROUND BURIAL OR SCATTERING

Options in California were increased with the passage of a law in 1998 allowing cremains to be scattered or buried on private land with the permission of the landowner. So you could be buried near your beloved rose bushes or under an apple tree on your own or other relative’s property, golf course, or along a favorite hiking trail in a county, state, or national park (with permission from the superintendent), It is best that you don’t scatter on a windy day. Or at least throw them downwind. The color of the cremains is different from earth so it will be noticeable. You may want to cover the area with dirt or leaves to prevent the ashes from blowing away or being too evident.
Lately, some churches in the Bay Area are installing Memorial Gardens to hold ashes of their members in a permanent religious setting. Expect to pay a fee or donation for perpetual maintenance.
Cemeteries will store ashes in several ways. Call or visit the cemeteries to obtain current prices.

A rose garden or wooded area where ashes can be scattered or buried.
Outdoor niches in a wall, or indoor niches in a columbarium in which you can place the urn. Expect to pay extra charges for a brass or bronze plaque to inscribe the name and dates of the deceased. There are different charges depending on location, height, glass or solid door for the niches and size. The usual niches are about 10 inches wide, 12 inches high and 15 inches deep.
Ground burial in regular burial locations (up to four boxes of cremains—or one body and three cremains—can be placed in a regular sized grave, depending on policy of the cemetery).
Ground burial in urn-sized lots.

Variations are to keep the ashes of one spouse until the other dies, and then mix the cremains in one container for burial or scattering, burying both urns at the same time, or putting the urn into the casket of the second to die.

SCATTERING ON WATER

If the deceased is a veteran, the Navy or Coast Guard will conduct a sea burial at no cost to the family. It will be done at their convenience so the family will not be able to witness it. A flag is required, which the family can obtain from the Veterans Administration. It will be returned to the family. The funeral home will charge postage to send the cremains to the nearest base.
Funeral homes can arrange to have the ashes scattered at sea or over some wilderness area by a licensed pilot or boat captain. Some funeral homes no longer will make referrals because of the fear of lawsuits. Most do, however. Some mortuaries have their own planes or boats and may not charge extra for this service if you allow them to scatter at their own convenience along with other people’s ashes. This is a quite reasonable option, costing $75 to $500 for an unwitnessed scattering.
Personalize the scattering with a religious or spiritual ceremony. One or several relatives, a minister, or even a whole boatload of friends may get together for a send-off that is as simple or elaborate as desired. Licensed scatterers advertise in the phone book yellow pages. Funeral societies keep lists, brochures, and business cards for referrals to the public. You will find boats available at Santa Cruz, Monterey, Moss Landing, Half Moon Bay, or San Francisco.
The family can scatter the ashes on water themselves if they have a sailboat or motorboat. The law says the scattering must be done 500 yards or more from shore of the ocean or navigable inland waterways. (for example, San Francisco Bay, a big lake, or wide river). It must not be done from any wharf or pier. The ashes should be removed from the container—don’t just throw the whole box overboard.

USE THE CREMATED ASHES TO CREATE A MEMORIAL OBJECT

We have received literature and notice internet offers to create mementos of the deceased person from some of the cremains, such as picture frames, boxes, jewelry, plaques. Search the internet or call Funeral Education Foundation (see phone number below) if you are interested in this option.

Funeral Consumers Alliance
463 College Avenue (P.O. Box 60448)
Palo Alto, CA 94306
(650) 321-2109 phone and fax
Send email to FCA's Office Manager.
office hours: Mon - Thursday 9 a.m. to 1 p.m.
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